


Don’t Divide To Cancel Out

by Rsbry_Beret



Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Hopeful Ending, Hopefully I’ve written the angst out of my system and the next one will be fluff?, I don’t think it’s purposeful self harm?, I guess?? Idk pls don’t read this if you think it will be bad for your mental health, Leif-centric, M/M, Self-Harm, can be perceived as homo OR bromo, could be a depression thing ig, i HOPE this ain’t a depression thing since I’ve definitely done it but, idk I wrote this while in a bad headspace so, just a lil tho I promise, kind of, kind of angst?, leif angst, minor blood, no promises tho :/, not relationship angst, that comes first!!!!!!, there is blood, tw- blood, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24141919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rsbry_Beret/pseuds/Rsbry_Beret
Summary: Leif got out of work on time. He got home on time. Actually, everything was about the same as usual, and that was the problem.(Rated T for kind of self-harm stuff?? Stay safe out there y’all I love you)
Relationships: Tobin Batra & Leif Donnelly, Tobin Batra/Leif Donnelly
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Don’t Divide To Cancel Out

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Every Night My Teeth Are Falling Out by The Antlers
> 
> TW- minor blood, self harm, depression maybe??? The self harm can be read as accidental

Leif got out of work on time. He didn’t have to stay late for one reason or another, Joan didn’t call him back for a status report or a ‘status report’ (she had stopped doing that awhile ago), none of his coworkers wanted to talk about anything weirdly personal. 

And then Leif got on his bike and he started towards his and Tobins apartment and he got there on time, too. Nobody almost ran him over, there wasn’t any startling increase or decrease of strangers also on their way home, he wasn’t yelled at or cut off or even mildly inconvenienced.

It was normal. Leif had a normal day. He hated it. 

He wasn’t fulfilled. He wasn’t happy or sad or even exhausted, just… tired. Ready to close his eyes and be done with the day, except then he’d have to wake up and do the same thing over again until Saturday inevitably came and he had to do the same Saturday thing- sleep in an extra hour and a half, watch something stupid on tv, get drunk, pass out on the couch and wake up with a blanket that he pretended not to know tobin covered him won’t. 

Leif felt his feet walk upstairs, watched his hands slip his key into the apartment lock. 

He beat Tobin home, like he usually does on Tuesdays, because Tobin usually picked up takeout for the two of them on Tuesdays, and that took him longer than riding the bus made up for. 

The door opened, and it didn’t even creak. 

Leif hung his messenger bag up neatly on the hook by the door, took his laptop out and brought it to his room, set it on his desk, stood and just breathed. He felt like he was blurring together, like his whole day was just one big, long, monotonous run-on sentence. 

Leif went back out to the living room. He sat on the couch. He stared at the tv for a few minutes before realizing it was off. He didn’t bother turning it on. 

Tobin got home with Chinese food from some new hipster place that tasted the same as every other Chinese place, except their rice was too wet. They talked about work and then about whatever crazy thing Candace in HR had done last night and then about everything else. Tobin threw the trash away while Leif walked to the bathroom to brush his teeth. 

“Hey,” Tobin said from the doorway, impossibly soft, and Leif silently noted that he should have been more startled than he was. 

“Hey,” he responded belatedly, mouth still full of toothpaste, scrubbing not-quite-frantically-but-certainly-more-than-efficient. 

“Hey,” Tobin repeated, then stepped next to Leif and looked at them both in the mirror for a very long time. 

Leif kept brushing. 

Slowly, so slowly, Tobin reached up and touched Leif’s wrist. His hand froze, toothbrush still pushing awkwardly against his lips. Tobin’s grip tightened, and he dragged Leif’s hand down, away from his mouth, to rest on the edge of the sink. 

The two of them watched the mint toothpaste drip pink suds down the drain. 

“Leif,” said Tobin, and nothing else, and somehow he didn’t need to say anything else, that was enough. Leif bent over and spit the rest of the toothpaste out, all pink-ish red with blood from his now-raw gums. Tobin filled the red plastic cup with water and offered it to Leif, who drank it and spit it out into the sink, washing away the last of the taste. 

Tobin kept his hand resting unobtrusively on Leif’s wrist, and Leif didn’t mind it. Tobin sighed, turning to face Leif’s shoulder and bending his neck to rest his forehead there, in the space between his neck and collar. Leif felt his breath, warm and wet, and could still smell the Chinese food they had just shared. 

Leif stared at the two of them in the bathroom mirror, then down at their hands, then back at Tobin, with his eyes closed and his lips barely visible, just tilting into a frown at the corners. 

Tobin let out a big breath, like he was about to start a big sentence, before he lifted his head again and moved his hand from Leif’s to his jaw. Leif still didn’t look straight at him, just his reflection, but he leaned his face into Tobin’s hand.

Tobin led him out of the bathroom and to the couch, and they sat down together.

**Author's Note:**

> Please stay safe out there y’all!!! If you ever feel like hurting yourself or others, or experience a feeling of helplessness, please please PLEASE don’t hesitate to reach out to a loved one, or to call a hotline. There are people there for you. 
> 
> US national suicide hotline- 1-800-273-8255  
> YouthLine- 877-968-8491  
> Trevor Project- 1-866-488-7386
> 
> There are other numbers out there!!!!! Get help if you need it.
> 
> As always, I adore you lovely people :) leave a comment for my everlasting personal respect and remember to love yourself <3


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